transporter 3 review; i'd rather punch myself in the face.

If you saw the first two movies in the 'Transporter' series, and are sitting on the fence over whether or not to see the latest, I can tell you now, get off the fence, and run away, as FAR away as you can get. What's on the the other side? Possibly THE most ridiculous, inane, generally disappointing movie you'll ever actually pay for. The shit list can go on for days, maybe weeks. I want to talk about one scene in particular, the lake scene (pretty much sums up the whole movie in one big, incredulous miscalculation.) Since I'm hoping you won't see this movie anyway, I'm spilling some spoilers. Lets start with Frank, the transporter, driving his car off a bridge into a lake to escape being shot by the persuasive, aggressive business man (who looks an awful lot like Johnny Deep.) Now, this puts Frank in a pickle, because he's wearing special bracelet that is set to explode when he gets too far (75ft.) from his car, which is now sinking to the bottom of the (inexplicably deep) lake. In a overwhelming cliche, the evil Johnny Deep-like villain business man doesn't bother with making sure he's successfully killed his enemy, but supposes that "there's NO WAY he couldda lived through THAT!!" and leaves. Now, while Frank's slowly sinking to the bottom of the lake he decides he should make a call, you know, from his sinking car, I'm sure the reception is great 40 or so feet below water. After his well-timed phone call to the inspector (which is of no consequence to the story line,) he goes back to the less important priority, saving his ass from a watery grave. He gets out of the drivers seat, and swims to his trunk where evil Johnny business man has conveniently placed large, red, air tight bags (how nice of him.) Frank grabs them, then swims to his front tire and releases some air, sucking in a few bubbles to breath. Now, to save his sinking car, Frank places the red bag over the air bubbles being released from the tire, effectively collecting all the air being released from his tire. He repeats this process with the opposite front tire. With those two red bags filled with the air from his tires, the car quickly floats to the top of the lake, and VOILA, Frank is saved! You tell me, anything fishy going on here? Anything just soo unbelievable? If there's enough air in the red bags to make his car float, there's enough air IN HIS TIRES to make the car float! I'm stupid enough to go see Transporter 3 and I could have to you that! Whats worse? The next scene, Frank is being towed from the lake with fully inflated tires. Permanent damage? Oh, no, after a quick tune-up, he hits the road again. I mean, sure he got water in his engine block, and sure none of his gadgets would work anymore, but hey, who really gives a shit. This scene alone reflects a huge amounts of errors and oversights in Transporter 3. The money I paid for my ticket would have been better spent paying a monkey to throw poo in my mouth.